You know that feeling of the blinking cursor and you just staring at it. Thoughts are running up in your head but you still can’t just figure out what to do, what to write.
What will People think?
For almost more than a year I am having thoughts like anything that I do is not enough. When I had made this blogging website, it was a longing to have one. Something that I could proudly say this is mine. Just mine and I so wanted to make it just my space. But somehow the one thought that always kept me away from being me is “what will people think if they read it.”
I know it sounds so absurd because being a writer I should be fearless and write what I wish to write without the fear of people’s judgments.
I want to be this professional blogger and learn so much more but these self-doubts, these negative thoughts are so hard to fight back.
Multi-Talented and the trouble we go through to manage all at once.
Being a multi-talented person, people think it’s a luxury. Of course, I am proud and feel blessed but sometimes I feel what’s the point when even after being so talented Alhumdullilah! I can’t find a way out of my messy head, can’t find a way to work on my goals and stay positive.
Everything is just so messy and I feel everything has just fallen apart and I can’t even manage to clean the mess, pick up the broken pieces and try to rebuild my home, my blogging, my writing, my art…
I am only thinking for the past 2 months that what should I write, and since it’s been so long I realized that I need to be honest now. That I am a complete lost soul trying to find my own self and only here to figure out if this is the way to do it.
On-Off Button with Blogging
I have been on and off always with my blogging journey and trust me, it hurts me every day when I fail to write. It hurts to not being able to do what you love the most and not being able to give your 100% but all that you do is think ‘what if ‘ I had done it and it would have worked it in my favor.
The Minute Progress Counts
Anyway, now that I am finally typing this down and writing I have made some kind of progress don’t you think?
As a writer I do feel I have let myself down, as a blogger I am used to it but now both the writer and blogger needs to fight back and work hard. I really wish to be a good blogger if not a successful one and try to be a good writer if not a best-seller.
Again the Self-doubt Devil enters
I know it’s not going to be easy, I may fail again but what important is I should not give up. For example, blogging have always been something I have found my way back to, so I seriously need to work on it and this time push my self harder to achieve my goals.
I need to work on a lot of aspects in my life, like waking early in the morning, reading more good books, watching less of Netflix, (or just watch it during weekends as a price to work harder on weekdays) that is something I should be strict about, blog more and work hard as a writer and blogger and as an artist too.
I have started these comic illustrations on Instagram somehow I find it fun and they help me out in some way.
Self-Love Is Important
But most importantly I need to work on my self-love journey. Something I have been trying to do but failing at it because of so many of negative thoughts jammed in my head.
Before writing this blog post, I read one of my old blog post on self-love. I realized there is so much to work on, so much to still learn.
Reading old-posts I also remembered how much I want this blog to be my space and I completely forgot about it. I am not sure if anyone connects to my blog post, if anyone loves my post or even if anyone would read it, but one thing is for sure I will always find my way back to blogging…
And so I seriously need to be super serious about blogging and writing. I hope I don’t disappear again and you will see more of me blogging consistently and hope you find some more amazing content soon…