I have been away for purely two reasons 1) Laziness and 2) no motivation to beat the first one.
Like I have been a completely lost soul and now trying to get back to life at a snails space. It sucks, this feeling sucks… It hurts when you actually know you are worthy of doing better things and you are actually great at it but something is just not working with you. You feel lost, you feel like doing nothing, then suddenly you want to do everything and when you actually are on the verge of doing it then there your mind goes blank…You have nothing coming up, and your heart sinks, you feel demotivated and feel miserable for not making it up to your own expectations.
I have been procrastinating, planning, over-analyzing everything like there is a plan, I know how to go about it, everything is just right in front of me…But when it comes to doing it or when it comes to going about it, I go blank. Every part of my body and soul is just against to do it.
I am still in the zone of self-doubt, confusion, no motivation at all. (I took 3 days to complete this blog post) can you believe it? 3 freaking days…
No! not because I had no words to write, I already have written this post in my diary a month back, but just the thought of typing, and then going about with new blog post, no one will read, who cares, why am I even doing this? what difference does it make? Why does no one care? These thoughts, self-doubt, confusion, no motivation at all, just sucks every feeling to get back to even reading a book. Yes, an avid reader like me is finding it hard to even complete one book since past few months. I am not at all reading anything.
I am away from blogging, reading, writing, painting, illustrations, and trying hard to get back at all of these but it seems like it’s a task of moving a huge mountain to get back to even one of these and then imagine getting back to all of these. That’s why as I said, I am working at a snails speed. But what matters is I am trying. I hope I find my way back soon and get back to everything with a bang… I know no one cares but I care and this is all that makes me happy so to keep myself happy I will only have to move the mountains myself… Tough one!
Have you ever been through such a phase in life? Any suggestion? Is anyone willing to guide me here?