Remember the mantra?
“No one and nothing matters, all that matters is you and yourself. Learn to love yourself first, rest everything will fall in place. Trust me!”
I will always choose books over people. Books heal me, understand me, support me, and take me on adventures that I miss in my life.
Honestly! I am not a people’s person. I am just not, and I don’t even wish to be. All I want is just me left all alone in my own space and let me be and I guess I am already working on it. I have distanced myself from everyone because of the fact that I just want to be left alone, in my own little space.
Because even if you go to the moon for people, or even if you like try your best like 90% to do anything for people, they will always complain about the 10% you didn’t. That’s the fact.
Given a chance I would love to become a traveler, travel the world with my books and find a remote place to live in and settle down there with my books, art and writing to be done all alone.
Why I became so rigid?
Well, the experience of life taught me to be less ‘all giving’ for people who will only stand by you when things are in their favor and chose to leave when you don’t act as they expect you to be. It’s that simple for people to judge you and find only negative in you, pull you down, while you will be giving all yourself to them. When you don’t act according to them and they give you this cold behaviour it hurts. Being a human you won’t be perfect, you will do mistakes some big some small, all you can do is try to mend things and if they are exhausting you, leave it. Just go with the flow. The people who wish to stay will do anything to stay, will forgive you, or seek forgiveness from you and do anything to stay, the people who CHOOSE to leave you will find every reason and every chance possible to leave you. And when I learned this, that I am being expected to be too much, I stopped… I would love to be in my own cacoon than deal with people.
And books, they help me find myself when I get lost, they heal me when I feel I am broken beyond repair, they don’t talk but when books are read, they give you a lot to learn. They don’t judge you, they don’t complain, only be with you, teach you so much and never leave by your side. I feel books understand me much better than anyone else.
They welcome me with open arms and just by looking at them, going through them, I feel happy. No matter which kind of books one reads, be it the silly romcoms, be it chick-lit, be it fantasy (my favorite), be it fiction, non-fiction, books have so much to give and so much of comfort. They make you feel good, they take you away from your worries and stress.
And so I choose books over people, because books don’t control you, they don’t demand anything from you, they don’t expect you to be perfect, they don’t make you feel unimportant, they don’t just leave you when you utmost need them, they don’t make you feel small, or unwanted.
All they give you is the comfort, love, knowledge and an escape from this filthy cruel world.
I always feel like I am lost, I question my existence every day, why am I born? what am I doing with my life? When I am in the middle of something and I keep asking myself, why am I doing this? what am I doing (mostly in the kitchen while cooking or washing dishes.) because I often do things just for the sake of doing it.
Even when things I love doing like writing, painting, sketching, illustrating, and if nothing of these are working, if my mind is messed up and thoughts are taking over me, I feel like a failure (just like I am feeling while writing this blog post) like a constant failure.
Even when I am trying to stay positive, I feel it’s not worth it. Who cares what I feel, what I think, if I am happy or not and I slowly start to shut myself down to one thing- “Books”
In every low point of my life, books have picked me up and helped me gain my sanity back, they have healed me and helped me to get back to life. Books give me the escape that no one has ever done for me. Books have stood by me and will always stand by me when people prove to be a disappointment. People are a huge disappointment (including me!)
Books will never leave by my side, even when people do, they never turn back and try to understand me, people will judge me, hate me, criticize me, think ill about me, pull me down, control me, dominate over me, Books won’t…
Books will always be good towards me and help me to escape when I need it, help me to learn, help me to broaden my perspective and help me to heal…So I feel books are better than people and I will always find comfort in books than people…
Hope you have a wonderful day ahead!
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