Remember the mantra?
“No one and nothing matters all that matters is you and yourself.”
Yes, finally I am a post Graduate. My results were out yesterday late evening when I had almost completed writing yesterday’s blog post.
I did my masters in English Literature, one of the best decisions of my life. I can’t believe I am already done with it. I feel so proud and blessed.
I miss my college and lectures, the discussions we used to have and all the fun. It gave me a push in life when nothing was working. I had not planned for a masters course. When I was doing my Bachelors I wanted to do an MBA, but I dropped the plan because I realized I have already made a mistake of choosing commerce to study when I clearly knew all my heart wish to do is study something related to writing and that was Literature.
So I was not happy with my Bachelor’s degree at all. When I finished my Bachelors, I had nothing planned. I tried to get into some literature short term course, or even for masters, but being a commerce student it was hard until I found out about the college where I studied my Master’s course and all I had to do is give a small entrance exam which I did pass and I got my admissions. I still remember how happy I was to finally study what I wanted to and scared at the same time as I will have to work doubly hard as I was completely new to literature studies. Almighty knew what my heart desired and He blessed me with it.
There were times when I felt I don’t wish to study anymore, I won’t be able to get through this, this is tougher than I thought, but now when I look back, I can only say how proud I am of never giving up and working hard to be here, happily and proudly I can say now I am a Post-graduate that too in English Literature.
I truly enjoyed the journey, learned a lot, and if given a chance I’d still choose to go back to my Masters class and sit for lectures. I do miss my professors and classroom and books to read and the best part was the discussion we used to have with so many different perspective and assumptions and no judgments at all. Literature actually should be studied by everyone, it gives you so much learn about the life, broadens your mindset and gives you so different perspective that you could never imagine to even ever have.
Now, again I feel lost without studying anything. Like I feel there is no purpose left in life. I wish to be a life-time student, keep exploring some or the other new things, keep studying. I wish I could. But in India, we hardly have any good courses when it comes to writing and literature.
When I was a student I used to complain about assignments, exams, test, early morning lectures, now I wish to actually go back to being a student again.
All I can do now is, try to be good at adulting (which I am not), survive somehow and try to keep looking at the brighter side. I don’t know what tomorrow would bring but I hope it’s something to learn, something that makes me stronger and wiser, something that is for my own betterment.
2019 is a year filled with confusion, fallbacks, messiness, lost, but it is also a year where I got to learn a lot, wherein I am finally learning the importance of self-love and when I thought I am loosing the writer in me, here it is back again. I am a published author/poet of my debut book Escape, I have passed my finals of my Masters Programme with marks better than I was expecting and I am super happy with it. I am finally a Post-Graduate, I am embracing my scars and myself the way I am.
I am trying to be more positive and I am only dependent on one person, My Creator, My Almighty. He is my hope, my savior. Thank You! for everything… Just keep me close to you always and if I happened to get lost, you know how to call me back… 🙂