Remember the New Mantra?
“No one and nothing matters, all that matters is you and yourself.”
The purpose of writing this is different today. I feel good and happy when I am writing this blog post. I feel good after a long time. To warn you this is going to be a really long blog post but trust me it’s going to be worth it. It’s an important blog post and something we all together need to understand.
The title, “beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder” I don’t believe in this thought anymore. Does that mean if the beholder doesn’t see the beauty in us, we are not beautiful? We don’t have the beauty in us?
I say no! Beauty does not lie in the eyes of the beholder, it lies within us. Everyone and each one of us has beauty in and out. No matter anyone believes it or not, what matters is your belief in yourself. It’s you who need to believe and see the beauty within you and embrace it. No matter what the world says. Your belief in your self is what is the most important thing.
I often read on social media and see how confused we all are with our lives, We often let other’s opinion define us and decide who we are, what we are and what we deserve. To be very honest. I do it myself too. I let other’s define me, let other’s opinion affect my mental stability which affects me a lot and that’s what I wish to change, and so this blog post idea came up. I actually came across this beautiful post by Nashina Pervin whom I follow and it made perfect sense to me. (Almost all of her write-up posts are just perfect.)
It made me realize that I am not perfect and I don’t wish to be. And I need to share something very important, but most importantly to instill it within myself. And so I took my pen and diary and wrote all of this down and now sharing it with you.
We often punish ourselves too much for mistakes we commit. We overthink, over analyze and let our insecurities rule our mindset and life. We make this mindset about our perfect life, our perfect goals, perfect dreams, perfect friend circle, perfect partner, perfect kids, perfect lifestyle. We often choose the easy way, the mediocre ways to live our life to avoid bumps, complications, struggles in life. But is that even a life when everything is perfect?
We make a circle, this is perfect and I want only this. Everything else then this is wrong, it’s something I don’t want, something, I won’t be able to digest it. And this mindset is wrong. I am not saying the wish to have a perfect life, the goals, the wish to have a certain kind of friends circle and partner is wrong and that you should not work towards it. But expecting it to be an easy path, expecting it to be perfect, I am sorry it’s never going to happen.
Tell me something… Have you ever learned something from within your comfort zone? Why life brings all the difficulties and brings you to a point wherein you feel lost, hopeless, uncomfortable? Because it wants you to learn something. It wants you to get out of the comfort of your assumptions or your sets of rules and look beyond them. It wants you to learn that there are different and new perspectives to life and it isn’t necessary that they fall under your list of perfection.
If the 5 years younger me had known that I am going to be this today what I am, I wouldn’t have believed it. I used to get irritated by people who used to have a different mindset than mine, I used to distance myself from people I thought are not good, but only later to find they are really good souls to be around and to learn from them about life. I have met people who were drug addicts and changed, and it was they from whom I got to learn new things about life. I got a new perspective, I accepted them with their flaws, and did not judge them, to be honest, they need not and did not even ask to be accepted or not.
There are people who get all about life and things right in the first try itself while there are people who fail again and again and again and they get it right later. I will like to know and learn about life from the later. Because they are the true gems who will give you some amazing theory about life than the ones who have never experienced failures. The people who come out of darkness, are someone who tells you what true life is than people who will always have it all from easy paths. ( I hope I make sense here!)
The people who cannot embrace you with your scars, who cannot embrace you for your imperfections, who cannot embrace you for what you really are, trust me they will always find faults in everyone else but themselves. They will never find anything perfect in anything and anyone because of their insecurities, their rigid mindset will keep ruling them. Such people will never learn to look at the beauty of things, they will never learn to look past the scars, imperfections, mistakes, but will always look for the sparkling things which are good from outside and nothing from within.
It’s not your mistake that you are imperfect, that you are different, that you have done some mistakes and trying to overcome them, that you have some scars physical or mental, that your opinions and beliefs are different from the rest, if people can’t accept you for what you are, it’s their problem, not yours. It’s they who are being ruled by their insecurities, by their weakness and not you. It’s they who either will never learn to embrace the good that comes into their life and only look for faults or maybe they still need to learn a lot in life and life will surely make them learn. Trust me on that!
Your mistakes, your wrong choices, don’t define you. Your lessons and efforts of changing yourself for your own betterment defines you. You define your own self, don’t let others define you.
If people think they are perfect and that they will find everything and every one perfect in their life, sorry they are just going to live in their build illusions which will never come true. Because none of us are saints, none of us are perfect and if someone says so, they are either trying to pretend to be perfect, they are hiding their flaws and scars and are not being honest.
What people don’t understand is, life is all about learning and we won’t learn anything unless we don’t do mistakes, we don’t fall. Why do we go to adults for better advice? Because they also have done some mistakes in their lives from which they learn and also learn from other’s mistakes. They have more experience in life. They don’t wish you to repeat it and so they are capable to give you better advice.
When things happen in life which you don’t expect or had never expected to happen there is some wisdom in it, something that life wants you to learn. Something that you are lacking in your life’s theory.
I see things keep happening in our life, like a cycle because we actually are missing the point. If you are someone who is going through a repeated pattern in your life, something that keeps happening and you are tired of it, try to analyze the issue, try to seek wisdom, try to see what life is trying to make you learn. Why destiny is, again and again, bringing you at the same point? Because you are not learning something, you are missing what life and destiny are trying to make you understand.
Don’t let people’s opinion or their beliefs pull you down or make you feel any small. It’s they who need to learn to overlook people’s imperfections, it’s they who are weak to accept people’s flaws and expect everyone to be the way they want, it’s they who need to learn to overlook flaws and look at the beauty, who need to learn the true meaning of love, acceptance, and life. Such people will always make life difficult because they will always look at things that don’t even matter and make a fuss about it. They will often find it hard to find the true meaning of life and love. Be it even self-love.
Let them explore life and life will teach them to overcome their insecurities and their false perceptions about life sooner or later. I am a believer of Islam and even in Islam, even if your mistakes and sins are like full of a sea, when you wish to really change when you repent and seek forgiveness from Almighty, when you truly are guilty and have learned from those mistakes, and have turned to Almighty, even He above, forgives you. Then why give someone else the authority to judge you, to pull you down, to make you feel small and unworthy?
Learn to overcome your insecurities and illusions that you are completely aware they will harm you even in the future, they won’t be serving you any good. The purpose of life is to learn and evolve and not have a rigid mindset. It is to change, to let go off things that don’t matter and only focus on things that matter, it is to look at the beauty and not the flaws, it is to accept yourself and others with all the flaws and stay open to their choices and beliefs. What you were years ago, I am sure you are not the same today. You, I and we all have changed, to some extent even our beliefs have changed. Then what makes you think that you are going to remain the same years later?
When things don’t work the way we want rather than solving the issue we find an easy path, an escape. Why can’t we just face it? Why do we always run away from things that make us feel its way more complicated? Don’t you think it is we who make it complicated and is actually way too simple?
Rather than passing the verdict, labeling people with our own sets of opinions why don’t we try to analyze the issue, help them, why don’t we try to see through their perspective? I have judged people wrong too in my past. But after years of experience of mine as well as seeing things around, I realized I was so cruel to judge someone, to say things about someone and I feel so guilty about it. That’s why even if you come across things that are out of your understanding, better keep your opinions to yourself than label people. When asked for advice only then give your outlook, otherwise mind your own business.
I am not defending anyone who does wrong but does that mean you will look at them with judgemental eyes all your life? Like don’t they stand a chance to change, to repent? Are you a saint yourself? Done nothing wrong at all? and do you think all around you is purely black and white? Like in today’s world, in this generation, in today’s time? Do you seriously think everything and everyone around is either completely black or complete white? I leave it to you to decide.
But for me, I believe we will never find things the way we want always. Be it anything, school, college, job, friends, life partner, your kids will be far different with a different mindset than you and more forward. It is upon us to look beyond the imperfections of life, of people, of anything. To look at the brighter side, the positive side, to look for an answer in the dark, to look beyond things that won’t even matter in the long run. To accept things openly and positively because if you try to be rigid in your mindset and beliefs and let your insecurities and weakness rule you, sorry to say, you need to work on yourself a bit harder. Because till when will you let your insecurities and weakness win over you? What if you find yourself in the same position again which you might have escaped earlier, will you again give it up? Will you again let your demons win over you?
And if you feel you won’t face it again… Well, all I can say is good luck! I hope you find your perfect illusion come true. But are we all that lucky? I believe life is all about struggles and it will never be that simple. It will always take you to a roller coaster ride and bumpy roads so you get to learn. Remember we always learn the hard way, not the easy way. So learn to grow, learn to seek wisdom in everything you go through, learn to find something new, some new lessons, perspective, that will help you grow as a person.
If you’ll keep looking at perfection, keep looking at things the way you have made an illusion about it, you will lose the lessons of life, you will lose the beauty of things and people, you will always find something empty because you always complicate things by giving importance to things that don’t even matter, will always find yourself hurting including hurting people around you.
I wish to write more on this topic and I will write but for today, I wish to end on my main point, beauty lies within all of us, we all have a dark side, that does not mean we are bad, we don’t deserve a chance. It’s up to you to decide do you wish the dark to rule you? or do you wish to fight back and let the beauty within you glow?
And so I said, beauty does not lie in the eyes of the beholder, but it lies within all of us. 🙂 I rest my case.
Have a beautiful day ahead!